SILENCE

SILENCE

After

All is quiet

Silence has come

Silence remains

My head is clear

No more accusing voices

No more doubt and fears

No more ‘not good enough’

Implications and impressions

The Savour has come

I have chosen to abide in this place

I AM

I have become the quiet one

All is silent before you

There is no more competition

No more conflicting thoughts

You are the I AM

In your presence I am silent

Like a weaned child with its mother

I have calmed and quieted my soul

My soul has stopped fretting

All is at rest

All is well with me

Like a nursing mother

You embrace and enfold me

You have calmed me

You ‘saved’ me

You have taken me

Into your courts

To stand among these

Who have gone before

To observe in silence

To stand within

The mandate

You have given me

To watch and learn

To grow in authority

To submit in humility

You are the I AM

Who causes me to arise

And take my place

Man-handled

When the man-handlers came

You were there

When doors were opened

Unbidden

By the hand of another

You were present

You never ever left me alone

You did not give me over

To the hand of the enemy

My life was not snuffed out

Though my soul became

Afflicted

Conflicted

Though silence was instilled

Through fear

Though man-voices demanded

Quietness

My inner man knew you

Though I did not know

That our dialogue had started

To you I could ‘voice’

Thoughts, questions, observations

And present

My broken consciousness

The barometer of God

Gone off kilter

By the voices

The demands of the man-handlers

And the women-submitters

Mothering fears

Conceived in fear

From generation to generation

Unnurtured

Unhealed

Patterns repeated

My own conception

In fear

Rejected by human-nurturer

In the womb

Mum could not offer

Trust and connectedness

She had none

Yet, I lived

My spirit man was born

Alive

Wanted by God

The Father

I came into the body

He prepared for me

I AM his

Desired

Much loved

Commissioned

Mandated

Prepared

Such a time as this

Bonding failures

Lack of bonding

Lack of learning to trust

On my mother’s breasts

Long term effects

Unknown then

Discovered in time

As I grew

Your kindness led me

To join

Grace to truth

When I left

The ‘womb of home’

As a babe

Lack of nurturing and bonding

Caused projectile vomiting

Of the milk of the breast

Was it her bitterness and fear

That I spewed out

Yet it engulfed my as yet unformed

Trust beacon

Rejected

Crying alone

I was too much

For the one who bore

Yet, I became

Her right-hand helper

From toddling days

A little mother

Needed to mother

The one

Who bore

A phantom mum

The older sister

Nurturing siblings

The phantom

Could not live

Without me

Slavery chains

The burden-bearer

Was borne, – yet

Not yoked to the plan and heart of God

Time would teach me this

I AM, you are a good-good-Father

As the babe

Learning to trust

Not being completed

The babe is all at sea

Inward consciousness of You

Conflicted with the

Demands

Voices

Models

Abba, what about this

Abba, what about that

My eyes should not have seen this

Awaking in the night

Before a thousand days had passed

Asking You

Is my Dad hurting my Mum

Abba, You were there

In the darkness of that moment

You held me close

You covered me

You heard my every thought

You understood my fear

You wept

You knew understanding would come

Another mother would arise

A bondage breaker

A Mama-of-nations

I didn’t know Abba

I was blind for I could not see

Broken compass

As Mum and Dad shaped me

The God-conscious

Compass-beacon

You planted

Inside my spirit

Broke

Not able to trust

Your inner voice

Increased fear

Doubt arose

Conflict flared within

Greater demonic

Dominion and minions

Invaded babe-space

You wept

Knowing you would

Gather me again

Knowing you would

Fix it again

Knowing yourself

I AM would arise

I AM would gather

I AM would heal

Blessed Fixer

You are busy fixing people

I love how you do that

Teach me more

Make me one too

Entwine the fixing-work

Of your hands with mine

Make me a fixer

By your Spirit

Cause your love

To flow richly

Keep fixing

Broken people

I love you

I love the work of your hands

Tenderness

That is who you are

Lack of boundaries

Great failure

Not empowering

The babe to say No

Not allowing

The babe to voice

Not making

Time to hear

Not making

An effort

To lay hold

Of the heart of the child

Great sadness

Treating all children

The same

Be seen

Be silent

Jump

Ask, How high

Rejected and alone

Unable to say

I don’t feel safe

Unable to trust

The God-voice

Weeping

Weeping

Weeping

Asking, What is wrong with me

When all was really right

Forgiveness

Papa God, forgive

Father, mother

Brother

The hand

That showed pornography

The one that touched

Me in my secret and holy place

Nine

Too young

Abomination

Generational

Millstone portion

Father, forgive

His own wounds so grave

Fathering wounds

Wanting to model him

To gain his approval

Wrong model

Wrong seeking

Father, forgive them for they know not what they do

Voiceless

Not learning to say No

Not allowing

To state

To ask

To enquire

No boundaries

Confusion – obey God

Confusion – obey man

Which is it

Knowing what is wrong

Not permitted

To voice

To state

To say

Uncomfortable!

God-consciousness says

Unrighteous!

O father and mother

Do you know

What you are doing

Raise up a child

In the way

She should go

Be silent

Allow all men

To do

What They Want

Yield

Bow down

Yet, the Bible you read to us

The church we go to

Says, What you do is wrong

What you say is contrary to the Word

Yet

You demand

Unquestioning

Obedience

Voice-box

What did you do

With my voice box

You broke it

You stomped on it

You threw away

The key

But my Savour

Found it

He re-build the box

Of my inner consciousness

He restored me

Boundaries

Without trust

I could not

Implement boundaries

Your acceptance of me

Based on immediate obedience

Unquestioning compliance

Only your boundaries mattered

The babe needed to uphold

Your fragile walls

Support your heavy weights

While having none to trust

None to uphold her

None to dry her tears

As she took herself to be alone

And you wondered why

Many of my siblings

Wet their beds

Did you see my yieldedness

Did you notice

My dance

Across the eggshells

Did you show

Your approval

Of my willingness

To follow

You were

‘Loud’ about many things

You were

‘Silent’ in approval

Father took me away from you

Though I fled in rebellion

His covenant promise

Was working

He freed me

Physically

Started working

On saving me

Preparing to heal

My broken heart

My fragmented

Conflicted soul

Rebellion

O God so many of my wounds

The cause of my own making

Rebellion against parental rules

Unable to see the good intentions

Amidst the sea of injustice

Wrong motives

Religious oppression

Unable to separate

Good from bad

Wound

The wound in my own soul

Caused me

To stumble

Unhealed

Unloved

Unable to trust

Unable to say No

I said Yes

To one unsafe

Unavailable

Legally belonging

To another

I pierced my own soul

I could not stand

I did not know

A deficit of trust

A deficit of love

And affection

Caused me

To yield

To illegitimate means

A wilful choice

Rebellion

Against

God

Ensnared by

My own

Decision

Brokenness

Choses brokenness

Rebellion reaps

Heartache

Pretzel

Untwist yourself

Broken road

But now

Silence has come

The accuser and his minions

Evicted

Legal right

Removed

Sticky notes

Glue

Loosened

Go!

Under the feet of Jesus!

Silent

All is silent

All is quiet

Embraced

Loved

Still waters

Green pastures

Re-parenting

Trust focus

The first thing

A babe needs to learn

Father-provider is here

Older brother-protector is here

Comforter-mother is here

To nurture, enfold, feed, speak

Safe at your breast

Safe hearing your heart-beat

Thank you for teaching me

The basics of trust

Establish me

Root me

To trust you

Fully

In the silence

You are here

And I am safe

Thank you

I AM

Psa 131:2 AMPC Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with his mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me [ceased from fretting].

1 The 2:7-8 NKJV ⁷ But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. ⁸ So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us.

Isa 30:15 KJV  For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.